Truth...no dare

i'm struggling...i need a straight answer.
the truth.
tonight i wondered where this is going.
is it just a rut?
is it something that will be ignored for now
only to become something worse later?
is it me?
spring fever?
is it just for now?
expectations?
tell me what you want it to be.
if i can't make that happen,
if i can't be that person,
can i do enough?
is enough okay?
what about the tension?
the guilt?
the lack of desire?
the absence of mind?
absence in general...?
is history repeating itself?
am i sabotaging?
could i go back?
accept that?
what about her?
how far does it go?
how much is within my control...really?